James Balsamo

as Tony

Greg Tally

as Abraham Van Turingtest

Malcolm McDowell

as Robot Dracula

John Landis

as John

Mick Foley

as Mick Foley

Don Coscarelli

as Don

Bruce Dern

as Van Sellsing

Tom Holland

as Tom

Russell Simmons

as Russell

Brian Yuzna

as Brian

Afroman

as Afroman

Scott Rechsteiner

as Scott Steiner

Larry Pfohl

as Lex Luger

Ron Simmons

as Ron Simmons

Robert Arensen

as Father Marlon

Branscombe Richmond

as Soul Patch

David Ellefson

as David

Bill Zebub

as Bill Zebub

Vinny Appice

as Vinny Appice

Mike Patton

as Mike

Linnea Quigley

as Witch Hazel

Shane Ryan-Reid

as Brett

Michael J. Epstein

as Reynolds / Bobby Zombert / RoboCock

Sophia Cacciola

as Bathsheba

Jeremy Long

as Dave Ghoul / Cyborg Bat Satanico / Hip Hop Vampire Troll

Paul 'H.R.' Hudson

as HR